The road less travelled

On this infertility journey we are unique, a secret society of fellow travellers.  Each weighed down by their baggage and each trying, and trying again, to find a new depth of hope and faith to tackle the day ahead.

I find no shame on this road.  I am proud of who I am and of the person I have no choice but to become.  I have learned there is no shame to be had in crying.  There is no shame in my anger.  There is no shame to be found in my envy.

I see no shame in finding a new love for my wife as she carries her burden and pain with dignity and courage.  I see no shame in holding my wife as she grieves the loss of a child we may never know.

Ours is a road less travelled, upon which we have to struggle to find our way, but we do and we will.

Ours is a road less travelled where two people have been brought closer than I had imagined possible, where secrets are shared and treasured, made sacred by the struggle we share. 

Bonded together by hope, and too often alone, we have seen the narrow path we have to tread but have committed to journey on.  When it has felt too hard I have learned to accept my limitations and accept that energy saved today will help for the tomorrows still to come.

I have looked my future in the eye and calling on all my courage I am no longer bathed in fear. 

This is the road less travelled

Pushed Hard

Pushed hard, at full tilt as close to the wind as I am made to go.  This young vessels captain is younger still than it, out of depth but somehow still afloat.

Survival becomes the end, joy and inspiration cast overboard shed in order to endure.  Their absence makes our passage no less haunting as the merciless seasons push harder seeking out my doubt and waning courage.

 

But I must not falter or ease off there is too much here at stake and glancing to the stars at night I am reminded still not of joy, but promise.  A future promise which if this is to be survived will be all the more fitting a prize.

(Written on reading Psalm 118, Message Bible)