tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-44562955396759522102024-02-20T16:53:41.539+00:00infertility exposedAfter 10 years of Infertility and one very distressing miscarriage I feel its time to come clean and put my experience out there, even if it helps bring light to one reader then I'll be made up! Read on...infertility expohttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15102047560198805608noreply@blogger.comBlogger9125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4456295539675952210.post-10830152988489871262012-09-05T11:16:00.004+01:002012-09-05T11:18:14.392+01:00Dont let the B£$tard get you down!!<br />
<div class="MsoNoSpacing" style="margin: 0cm 0cm 0pt;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">Lets not beat around the bush, infertility sucks!<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span><o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNoSpacing" style="margin: 0cm 0cm 0pt;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">It has tested me to my limits I have had to dig deeper
than I knew was possible or ever thought would be necessary in my life.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
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<span style="font-family: Calibri;">Ten years in our diagnosis remains that of
"unexplained infertility"<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>-
what is that, really!? Is there anything truly unexplained in today’s modern
scientific age?<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I sometimes think the Dr’s
just want to stuff DW full of meds rather than target a specific problem, OR… <span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>we are special, I prefer the latter!<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNoSpacing" style="margin: 0cm 0cm 0pt;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">Today, and it changes every day, my frustration is that I
have no choice in the matter, I didn't choose this.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>It just happened, to us.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span><o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNoSpacing" style="margin: 0cm 0cm 0pt;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">No matter what we do we don't seem to be able to twist
anyone's arm to convince “them” to help us create our family.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>In fact we don't even know whose metaphorical
arm to twist, her womb or my sperm? None of it has worked, our bodies don't
want to play ball, they just won’t. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNoSpacing" style="margin: 0cm 0cm 0pt;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">But here's the snag, "they just won't”… YET.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>At any moment this could all be over, 10
years of anxiety, fear, rage, helplessness, fad diets and supplements all over.
<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNoSpacing" style="margin: 0cm 0cm 0pt;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">I remember saying
to our infertility counsellor, “at some point we have to envisage a life
without children, embrace the difference and live that life”.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>What if that time is NOW?<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>How do you know when to stop?<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>What if, when you stop and are enjoying the
difference, a pregnancy occurs?<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<o:p><span style="font-family: Calibri;"> </span></o:p><br />
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">What I do know is that infertility will try to wrestle
the very "you" from you, the challenge is to usurp it – to stand
strong, lean hard on that person next to you, surmount the mountain and enjoy
the view from atop that mountain peak until the next bout begins and another
mountain is to be climbed.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span><o:p></o:p></span><br />
<br />
<div class="MsoNoSpacing" style="margin: 0cm 0cm 0pt;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">To express that feeling of being "Pushed hard"
I have written a little something, I hope you enjoy it...<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNoSpacing" style="margin: 0cm 0cm 0pt; text-align: center;">
<o:p><span style="font-family: Calibri;"> </span></o:p><b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;"><u><span style="font-family: Calibri;">Pushed Hard<o:p></o:p></span></u></b></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNoSpacing" style="margin: 0cm 0cm 0pt;">
<o:p><span style="font-family: Calibri;"> </span></o:p></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNoSpacing" style="margin: 0cm 0cm 0pt;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">Pushed hard, at full tilt as close to the wind as I am
made to go. This young vessels captain is younger still than it, out of depth but
somehow still afloat.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<span style="font-family: Calibri;"><span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span></span><br />
<div class="MsoNoSpacing" style="margin: 0cm 0cm 0pt;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">Survival becomes the end, joy and inspiration cast
overboard shed in order to endure.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Their
absence makes our passage no less haunting as the merciless seasons push harder
seeking out my doubt and waning courage.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNoSpacing" style="margin: 0cm 0cm 0pt;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">But I must not falter or ease off there is too much here
at stake and glancing to the stars at night I am reminded still not of joy, but
promise. A future promise which if this is to be survived will be all the more
fitting a prize.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNoSpacing" style="margin: 0cm 0cm 0pt;">
<o:p><span style="font-family: Calibri;"> </span></o:p></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNoSpacing" style="margin: 0cm 0cm 0pt;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">(Written on reading Psalm 118, Message Bible)<o:p></o:p></span></div>
infertility expohttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15102047560198805608noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4456295539675952210.post-44929804527537940082012-09-03T22:48:00.002+01:002012-09-03T22:48:44.694+01:00Do Men Feel ANYTHING...!!???
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0cm 0cm 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;"><strong>The ugly truth bit…<o:p></o:p></strong></span></div>
<br />
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<span style="font-family: Calibri;">My dad never ever remembers his dreams so you can imagine
our delight when, sat together one evening last week, my dad confessed to
having had a dream the other night.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>It
was a momentous occasion and one for us all to practice our pop psych learned
in the pages of “Psychologies” magazine, Derren Brown etc. By the end of the
evening Dad had been diagnosed with pretty much every mental affliction known to
man!<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0cm 0cm 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">Of course we all went ‘round the table asking what each
other’s last dream was. The truth is I lied because mine was downright
depressing.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>My last dream (that I remember)
about 5 days ago featured my older brother asking how I was coping “you know…
with the erm… the infertility side of things”.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>In my dream I wasn’t able to reply I just started to cry.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>In real life now the instant I woke up I started
to cry for real.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Not a great start to
the day, and certainly not the kind of comical dream the family was looking to
hear!<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0cm 0cm 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;"><strong>The light relief bit…<o:p></o:p></strong></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0cm 0cm 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">There is a point to this woeful<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>tale of pity!<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>Bear with me and read on!!<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
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<span style="font-family: Calibri;">I can tell you about some things I like:<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0cm 0cm 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">I like to surf, I used to love Rugby especially tackling
until it screwed up my shoulder, I love beer my favourite is “Butcombe Blonde” (and
not just because it contains the words But and Blonde). I like being my own
boss, I really like to play tennis Singles not Doubles. I like to watch the tv
lying on the floor. <span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I love peanut
butter. My favourite coffee is an Americano, hot milk and a bit of sugar. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0cm 0cm 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">You get the idea, I know what I like and it mostly evolves around
food and sport.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I know equal ops would insist
I say that a love of food and sport is not exclusive to men but stereotypically
it just is! I am therefore a stereotypical male!<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0cm 0cm 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;"><strong>The “I’m about to make my point” bit…<o:p></o:p></strong></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0cm 0cm 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">When I told my DW about my dream in the quiet and privacy of
our own home, three days later she hugged me tight and said “I’m so sorry.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Sometimes when you plough on and take care of
me so well it’s easy to forget how you feel”. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0cm 0cm 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">Ask a man what he likes to do/eat/play etc and he can tell
you straight away.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I am not saying it is
right or helpful (I have learned it is not) but ask a guy how he is feeling
about his ‘<i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">n</i>’ years long infertility
and he probably won’t say much there and then.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>But he does feel SOMETHING and maybe, three, four, five days (weeks
even!) he might finally talk about it.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0cm 0cm 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">To my DW and on behalf of fellow menkind sorry for putting our
other halves through this emotional constipation. If it helps those other
halves out there living with a caveman I don’t think WE always know <span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>even know we are doing it.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
infertility expohttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15102047560198805608noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4456295539675952210.post-18794575450985029702012-07-23T22:59:00.001+01:002012-07-23T22:59:46.436+01:00A lot can happen in 15 months<span style="font-family: Calibri;">I cant deny, or try to gloss
over it, being infertile is not a a good experience, it is a journey that
causes you to grow and to develop but one I where if at all possible I would change
course, I would leap off at the next stop and change direction, you wouldn’t have
to ask me twice.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>However, much like a
sailor nursing a broken mast I am at the mercy of the tides and these last
weeks they have brought me rather close to the rocks.</span><br />
<br />
<div class="MsoNoSpacing" style="margin: 0cm 0cm 0pt; text-align: justify;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">I have found that in the mess
of infertility I have had some good days and weeks where blissfully untroubled
by our infertility I bob along much like a “normal” person.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>But sometimes in the normality of life I have
found the trickiest of obstacles that bring the rocks <span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>rearing up close.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Take today for example…<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNoSpacing" style="margin: 0cm 0cm 0pt; text-align: justify;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">A good weekend, the best for months
in fact, a walk by the river, my first surf this year (things must have been
bad), no discussion about treatments, Dr appointments or what-to-do-next, just
ralxing with my wife. <span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Given the
unseasonally good weather we are experiencing I decided to get my hair
cut!<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>As it turns out the hairdresser who
was booked to sort out my unkempt mane used to regularly cut my hair until one
day she seemed to have left,or so I thought (remember I’m a guy and don’t pick
up on sublte signals), it turns out she had been on maternity leave<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>and had had a little boy “Archie” 15 months
ago. </span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNoSpacing" style="margin: 0cm 0cm 0pt; text-align: justify;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">In the course of the conversation
it dawned on me how very normal it is to have a baby take maternity leave and
come back to work, all in the space of 15 months.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I also realised how unnatural it was for us
to have not moved on even an inch in our attempts to tobecome parents.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNoSpacing" style="margin: 0cm 0cm 0pt; text-align: justify;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">Conversation moved on to, of
course, holidays.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I was in the hairdressers
after all.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>In her 15 months she and her
baby boy had been abroad four times (maternity pay sounds good!).<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
<br />
<div class="MsoNoSpacing" style="margin: 0cm 0cm 0pt; text-align: justify;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;"><span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>To my surprise this knocked me sideways the
most.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>My DW and I have felt so ground
down by infertility, we have retreated so far in to our shells that even a trip
to the coast for a surf had felt impossible all year and a trip abroad just too
much to get our ever-so-slightly-depressed heads around.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Instead I had spent my Monday )the beauty of
being your own boss) looking at holiday cottages for two.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNoSpacing" style="margin: 0cm 0cm 0pt; text-align: justify;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNoSpacing" style="margin: 0cm 0cm 0pt; text-align: justify;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">Of course many parents and single
friends would love a quiet week away romantically snuggled up with your other
half and of course <span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I will enjoy this
too, but when I acknowledge I would have so liked a cottage for “two or more” it
just makes me sad.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>It is the simplicity
and normality of wanting to become a parent, to raise a child, that the sadness
becomes burdensome. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNoSpacing" style="margin: 0cm 0cm 0pt; text-align: justify;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">Walking away from the hairdresser
I realised too that like her if all had gone to plan our baby would have been
15 months (and 20 days) old.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
<br />
<div class="MsoNoSpacing" style="margin: 0cm 0cm 0pt; text-align: justify;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">I realised walking home that a
lot can happen in 15 months and in that moment entirely without choosing I was reminded
of our intransigent, stubborn <span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>infertility.<o:p></o:p></span></div>infertility expohttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15102047560198805608noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4456295539675952210.post-81857936972593613072012-06-17T23:50:00.001+01:002012-09-03T22:57:04.015+01:00Surviving Fathers Day...<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0cm 0cm 10pt; text-align: justify;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">Surviving Fathers day <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0cm 0cm 10pt; text-align: justify;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">Although “we” were pregnant for 7
weeks (4 of them unwittingly so), no matter which way I look at it I am not a
father, and the likelihood sadly is that I will never be.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>So Father’s day should be horrifying, right?<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0cm 0cm 10pt; text-align: justify;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">After spending just shy of a third
of my life TTC I have the benefit of time to reconcile myself to my not being a
father.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Thankfully this explicit celebration
of fatherhood takes place just once a year and so my lack in this regard is not
so noticeable on a regular and public basis!<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0cm 0cm 10pt; text-align: justify;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">I recognise the challenge such a
day presents the infertile man, or couple, and I too have felt terrible on
father’s day.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>That said I have to
confess to being very comfortable with father’s day. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0cm 0cm 10pt; text-align: justify;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">Fortunately my Dad has been
great.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I know I am blessed to have been
raised by a man I can look up to, love and respect, the same is not true for
everyone.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I am happy to put my
celebration of him and others like him ahead of my (sometime overwhelming) desire
to have been a Dad.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>In the UK in
particular we are so ashamed of celebrating people and telling others the love
we feel for them, that I do not want to stand in the way of such a positive day.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0cm 0cm 10pt; text-align: justify;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">I don’t begrudge loving, caring fathers
their day of recognition and treats, being a father is hard work and they
deserve it.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span><o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0cm 0cm 10pt; text-align: justify;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">Can it still sting - yes! <span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Do I sometimes avoid church - yes (did I this
year – yes!)! Do I limit my contact to family at such a time - most of the time,
yes!<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0cm 0cm 10pt; text-align: justify;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">It is not Father’s day I find the
most challenging but rather the oh-so-casual ignorance of our (unexplained)
infertility.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>The all too regular occasions
when it is overlooked, for example being unthinkingly side-lined from a Godsons
birthday party, being told I am lucky I get to lie in, this is when I am made acutely
aware of my infertility, this is when it really stings.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span><o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0cm 0cm 10pt; text-align: justify;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">What has hurt me the most has
been people’s lack of thought and care along the way 365 days , not just on father’s
day.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div align="center" class="MsoPlainText" style="margin: 0cm 0cm 0pt; text-align: center;">
<b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;"><i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">Late<o:p></o:p></span></i></b></div>
<br />
<div align="center" class="MsoNoSpacing" style="margin: 0cm 0cm 0pt; text-align: center;">
<i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">It's too late; the dinner of my grief is
left out in the cold. Cold like your comfort.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>Tasteless and unwanted.<o:p></o:p></span></i></div>
<br />
<div align="center" class="MsoNoSpacing" style="margin: 0cm 0cm 0pt; text-align: center;">
<i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;"><o:p><span style="font-family: Calibri;"> </span></o:p></i><i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">You have your slice of happiness, enjoy it
but forgive me if I look on in scornful envy, I'm on a diet.<o:p></o:p></span></i></div>
<br />
<div align="center" class="MsoNoSpacing" style="margin: 0cm 0cm 0pt; text-align: center;">
<i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;"><o:p><span style="font-family: Calibri;"> </span></o:p></i><i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">There's no use being sensitive now, now you
realise for yourselves the happiness we held, and dropped down the toilet.<o:p></o:p></span></i></div>
<br />
<div align="center" class="MsoNoSpacing" style="margin: 0cm 0cm 0pt; text-align: center;">
<i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;"><o:p><span style="font-family: Calibri;"> </span></o:p></i><i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">You were late, "late for a very
important date".</span></i></div>
<div class="MsoNoSpacing" style="margin: 0cm 0cm 0pt; text-align: left;">
<i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;"><strong>1 year after our miscarriage and having just got pregnant one of our very best friends finally realised how special it was to be pregnant and what we had been through as a result of both our infertility and miscarriage, they were, in my opinion, a little late in realising this!</strong></span></i></div>
infertility expohttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15102047560198805608noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4456295539675952210.post-87700660642964041582012-06-07T23:57:00.001+01:002012-06-07T23:57:20.790+01:00Communicate. It really is that simple. Or is it just me….?<span style="font-family: Calibri;">When I started to Blog I thought
I would write with an overwhelming sense of positivity, a bright beacon of hope
in the blogosphere, infertility cast in a new light!<o:p></o:p></span><br />
<br />
<div class="MsoPlainText" style="margin: 0cm 0cm 0pt; text-align: justify;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">However my writing has
coincided with our very last throw of the dice on our infertility journey, and
10 years in, I find myself going through a blow by blow face off with the
realities of infertility and the impact it has had on my DW and I.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>In short this blog is helping me make sense
of it all.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoPlainText" style="margin: 0cm 0cm 0pt; text-align: justify;">
<o:p><span style="font-family: Calibri;"> </span></o:p><span style="font-family: Calibri;">I have confronted my <span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>issues or feelings head on in order <span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>to try and exorcise them, to take away the
fear that they may haunt me in the future <span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>– <em>don’t worry this is a controlled experiment undertaken
with the support of an experienced and specialised infertility counsellor to
light the way and check my marbles en route!!</em></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoPlainText" style="margin: 0cm 0cm 0pt; text-align: justify;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">This week my self-help therapy was<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>sparked by my not being invited for (the second year running) to the 2<sup><span style="font-size: x-small;">nd</span></sup>
birthday party of my godson, it suddenly dawned on me that I have never been to
a child’s birthday party (as an adult) and I have never held a new born baby.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoPlainText" style="margin: 0cm 0cm 0pt; text-align: justify;">
<o:p><span style="font-family: Calibri;"> </span></o:p><span style="font-family: Calibri;">“Poor me”, can you hear the violins
playing as I sulk my way through the day…?<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span><o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">Hold on a minute though!<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I am not so sure that it is actually self-pity
driving my deep sense of regret.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Both
these experiences are fundamental to the the cycle of life, its natural cycle.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>To not take part in them is to miss out and
is likely to make even the sturdiest of men sad.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span><o:p></o:p></span><br />
<br />
<div class="MsoPlainText" style="margin: 0cm 0cm 0pt; text-align: justify;">
<o:p><span style="font-family: Calibri;"> </span></o:p><span style="font-family: Calibri;">I would add too that I am not so
naive as to think that this only applies to the infertile amongst us.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I feel horrible for my single friends many of
whom are also by consequence “infertile”, and furthermore lonelier than I who
is blessed with a brilliant wife.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoPlainText" style="margin: 0cm 0cm 0pt; text-align: justify;">
<o:p><span style="font-family: Calibri;"> </span></o:p><span style="font-family: Calibri;">As I felt a growing sense<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>of sadness I instinctively felt I should pay attention
to how I was feeling.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>As I really got to
know and to confront the issue I was suddenly surprised, what I hadn’t banked
on was discovering… anger.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Specifically
anger at my friends and family.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoPlainText" style="margin: 0cm 0cm 0pt; text-align: justify;">
<o:p><span style="font-family: Calibri;"> </span></o:p><span style="font-family: Calibri;">I realised I have been
harbouring anger against those around us who have hidden their joy from us, who
have made countless decision on my behalf usually to save their own embarrassment
because of a problem that afflicts US, not THEM! I realised it is not normal to
not have met our “best friends” babies until they were months old or to have
not been invited to our nieces <span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>and
nephews birthday parties, sentimental but important and exciting landmarks in a
little life.</span><span style="font-family: Calibri;"><span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>Maybe it would be a delight to hold a newly born child just days old, I would
love to know how their skin feels and to discover this magical smell that new borns
are rumoured to have!<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoPlainText" style="margin: 0cm 0cm 0pt; text-align: justify;">
<o:p><span style="font-family: Calibri;"> </span></o:p><span style="font-family: Calibri;">Infertility causes you to be
brave, you just have to suck it up, therefore others awkwardness on your behalf
is all the more grating as it pulls you lower than you have fought to climb.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>We may have risen above our circumstance, but
still, failing to acknowledge our accomplishment, others choose to decide just
how far they think you have risen , – “we couldn’t possible invite them it would
be just too hard for them”.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoPlainText" style="margin: 0cm 0cm 0pt; text-align: justify;">
<o:p><span style="font-family: Calibri;"> </span></o:p><span style="font-family: Calibri;">If you are fertile yourself and
you are reading this, leave your cowardice and guilt behind and simply involve
others in the joy of your children by giving others the option before you make the
decision for them.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span><o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoPlainText" style="margin: 0cm 0cm 0pt; text-align: justify;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">Communicate.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>It really is that simple.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Or is it just me….?<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNoSpacing" style="margin: 0cm 0cm 0pt; text-align: justify;">
<br /></div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;"><i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">Smile<o:p></o:p></span></i></b></div>
<br />
<div align="center" class="MsoNoSpacing" style="margin: 0cm 0cm 0pt; text-align: center;">
<i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">If you sit still, quiet, smiling, for long
enough (10 years) they might not notice.<o:p></o:p></span></i></div>
<br />
<div align="center" class="MsoNoSpacing" style="margin: 0cm 0cm 0pt; text-align: center;">
<i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">It’s more comfortable to not notice, and
they are ever so appreciative of you not ever bringing it up.</span></i></div>
<br />
<div align="center" class="MsoNoSpacing" style="margin: 0cm 0cm 0pt; text-align: center;">
<i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">One time he noticed - “you’re so lucky you
know, lying in each weekend”<o:p></o:p></span></i></div>
<br />
<div align="center" class="MsoNoSpacing" style="margin: 0cm 0cm 0pt; text-align: center;">
<i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">I rather wish he hadn’t noticed, least of
all commented.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Prompted by my longing
for this excruciating moment to pass I issue myself clear orders.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>“Move on, and remember….. smile”.<o:p></o:p></span></i></div>infertility expohttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15102047560198805608noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4456295539675952210.post-64404175955061172462012-06-02T17:53:00.001+01:002012-06-06T09:08:38.357+01:00Infertility is not ok<b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;"><i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">600<o:p></o:p></span></i></b>
<br />
<div class="MsoNoSpacing" style="margin: 0cm 0cm 0pt; text-align: justify;">
<i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">It’s not ok.<o:p></o:p></span></i></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNoSpacing" style="margin: 0cm 0cm 0pt; text-align: justify;">
<i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">You can’t convince me otherwise.<o:p></o:p></span></i></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNoSpacing" style="margin: 0cm 0cm 0pt; text-align: justify;">
<i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;"><o:p><span style="font-family: Calibri;"> </span></o:p></i><i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">“A friend of my sisters hairdresser got pregnant after 8 years, isn’t
that amazing? Don’t you think it’s amazing…?”<o:p></o:p></span></i></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNoSpacing" style="margin: 0cm 0cm 0pt; text-align: justify;">
<i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">Gorging on my need to please, to not embarrass the other I agree,
politely, “That IS amazing, how old is the child now? How lovely!”<o:p></o:p></span></i></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNoSpacing" style="margin: 0cm 0cm 0pt; text-align: justify;">
<i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;"><o:p><span style="font-family: Calibri;"> </span></o:p></i><i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">Later I count the day of the month, the day of her cycle, the days
until we next try, the years we have been trying and wonder how many times we
must have “tried”.<o:p></o:p></span></i></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNoSpacing" style="margin: 0cm 0cm 0pt; text-align: justify;">
<i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">Its nearly 600.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Others are
always so curious to know but daren’t ever ask, so there it is, nearly 600.<o:p></o:p></span></i></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNoSpacing" style="margin: 0cm 0cm 0pt; text-align: justify;">
<i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">600 is not ok.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Infertility is not ok. <o:p></o:p></span></i></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNoSpacing" style="margin: 0cm 0cm 0pt; text-align: justify;">
<b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~<o:p></o:p></span></b></div>
<span style="font-family: Calibri;"></span><br />
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">Living with and through(unexplained)
infertility is not ok.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>That isn’t to say
that they aren’t worse things to suffer, because there are, and it isn’t to say
that life becomes pointless, because it doesn’t.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>But still, its not ok.<o:p></o:p></span><br />
<br />
<div class="MsoNoSpacing" style="margin: 0cm 0cm 0pt; text-align: justify;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">After 10 years I am not
depressed as such, I do have a hope and an excitement for the future but just now
things are a little harder.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>My “normal”
just isn’t antwhere as buoyant as it used to be.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNoSpacing" style="margin: 0cm 0cm 0pt; text-align: justify;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">For me where we are very much
at the end of this journey to conceive (ttc) I am daily challenged by looking back
at the last 10 years trying to work out what the heck it was all about (angry),
to grieve in the now for the child we might never meet and the miscarriage we
suffered (sad), whilst also adjusting to a potential future without children (insecure).<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Dependant on the day, life is lived through
one of these filters.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNoSpacing" style="margin: 0cm 0cm 0pt; text-align: justify;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">Going through life feeling
either angry sad or insecure undoubtedly impacts my daily outlook.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>It requires courage and commitment to choose
to look ahead and not give up on yourself.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span><o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNoSpacing" style="margin: 0cm 0cm 0pt; text-align: justify;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">Life carries on with or
without you and there may come a point at which you look around and realise that
in fact it moved on without you.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>This
moment came for me about 6-12 months ago.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>I was shocked that we had only one or two friends who didn’t now have
children or by how many people we had simply drifted out of contact with, I was
shocked to realise my first nephew was going to Senior School.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Life had moved on.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span><o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br /><br />
<div class="MsoNoSpacing" style="margin: 0cm 0cm 0pt; text-align: justify;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">Somewhere in the fog I had
been left behind sitting on the kerb, frankly unable, and perhaps unwilling, to
keep moving on.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br /><br />
<div class="MsoNoSpacing" style="margin: 0cm 0cm 0pt; text-align: justify;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">This moment brought home the
reality that to pick myself up, and keep myself up, I would have to live a
disciplined life.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Daily I would have to
choose to be in touch with my feelings and the consequential impact they were
having particularly on my relationships with others.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span><o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNoSpacing" style="margin: 0cm 0cm 0pt; text-align: justify;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">Life with infertility has introduced
a level of self-analysis and awareness that most don’t have to employ in order
to function.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Infertility has slowed life
down, I don’t have the capacity for other people that I used to and I now feel
a pressure to appear positive and engaging when I do venture out in case my innate
sense of vulnerability is sniffed out.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNoSpacing" style="margin: 0cm 0cm 0pt; text-align: justify;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">After 10 years I have concluded
that infertility is not OK.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>It does not
feel in any way pleasant and I have not enjoyed any part of it.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Infertility is a silent thief, it is
undermining and belittling.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>It is not
ok.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNoSpacing" style="margin: 0cm 0cm 0pt; text-align: justify;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">However, I have also learned
after 10 years that I need not be afraid of eyeballing the lows and taking
them head on, these are not the real enemy.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>The real enemy comes in the form of a creeping sense of self pity.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>This, whilst inevitable and entirely
understandable, I find corrosive.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>It is
the rust that seizes up your joints, that quietly grinds you to a halt until
you awake one day and realise that you can’t remember when you last laughed out
loud.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>My creeping shadow of self pity
must be kept at bay through discipline and a keen sense of proportion - and a
helpful dose of hugs from my DW and the occasional prod in the ribs!<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNoSpacing" style="margin: 0cm 0cm 0pt; text-align: justify;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">It’s not ok but we will survive
it and we will find our “new normal”.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>In
the early years I was determined not to be defined by our infertility.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Since, and with time I now appreciate that
whilst it won’t define me (unless I let it) it will shape me, but maybe I have
a choice as to the shape.<o:p></o:p></span></div>infertility expohttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15102047560198805608noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4456295539675952210.post-10378976750531699702012-05-27T21:36:00.000+01:002012-05-27T21:36:02.672+01:00<b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;"><span style="font-family: "Arial","sans-serif";">The road less travelled<o:p></o:p></span></b>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0cm 0cm 10pt; text-align: justify;">
<span style="font-family: "Arial","sans-serif";">On
this infertility journey we are unique, a secret society of fellow travellers.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Each weighed down by their baggage and each
trying, and trying again, to find a new depth of hope and faith to tackle the day
ahead.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0cm 0cm 10pt; text-align: justify;">
<span style="font-family: "Arial","sans-serif";">I
find no shame on this road.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I am proud
of who I am and of the person I have no choice but to become.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I have learned there is no shame to be had in
crying.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>There is no shame in my
anger.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>There is no shame to be found in
my envy. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0cm 0cm 10pt; text-align: justify;">
<span style="font-family: "Arial","sans-serif";">I
see no shame in finding a new love for my wife as she carries her burden and
pain with dignity and courage.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I see no
shame in holding my wife as she grieves the loss of a child we may never know.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0cm 0cm 10pt; text-align: justify;">
<span style="font-family: "Arial","sans-serif";">Ours
is a road less travelled, upon which we have to struggle to find our way, but
we do and we will.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0cm 0cm 10pt; text-align: justify;">
<span style="font-family: "Arial","sans-serif";">Ours
is a road less travelled where two people have been brought closer than I had
imagined possible, where secrets are shared and treasured, made sacred by the
struggle we share.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span><o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0cm 0cm 10pt; text-align: justify;">
<span style="font-family: "Arial","sans-serif";">Bonded
together by hope, and too often alone, we have seen the narrow path we have to
tread but have committed to journey on.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>When it has felt too hard I have learned to accept my limitations and
accept that energy saved today will help for the tomorrows still to come.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0cm 0cm 10pt; text-align: justify;">
<span style="font-family: "Arial","sans-serif";">I
have looked my future in the eye and calling on all my courage I am no longer
bathed in fear.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span><o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0cm 0cm 10pt; text-align: justify;">
<span style="font-family: "Arial","sans-serif";">This
is the road less travelled<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0cm 0cm 10pt; text-align: justify;">
<br /></div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;"><i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;"><span style="font-family: "Arial","sans-serif";">Pushed Hard<o:p></o:p></span></i></b></div>
<br />
<div align="center" class="MsoPlainText" style="margin: 0cm 0cm 0pt; text-align: center;">
<i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;"><span style="font-family: "Arial","sans-serif";">Pushed
hard, at full tilt as close to the wind as I am made to go.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>This young vessels captain is younger still
than it, out of depth but somehow still afloat.<o:p></o:p></span></i></div>
<br />
<div align="center" class="MsoPlainText" style="margin: 0cm 0cm 0pt; text-align: center;">
<i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;"><span style="font-family: "Arial","sans-serif";"></span></i></div>
<div align="center" class="MsoPlainText" style="margin: 0cm 0cm 0pt; text-align: center;">
<i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;"><span style="font-family: "Arial","sans-serif";">Survival
becomes the end, joy and inspiration cast overboard shed in order to endure.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Their absence makes our passage no less haunting
as the merciless seasons push harder seeking out my doubt and waning courage.<o:p></o:p></span></i></div>
<i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;"><span style="font-family: "Arial","sans-serif";"><o:p> </o:p></span></i><br />
<br />
<div align="center" class="MsoPlainText" style="margin: 0cm 0cm 0pt; text-align: center;">
<i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;"><span style="font-family: "Arial","sans-serif";">But
I must not falter or ease off there is too much here at stake and glancing to
the stars at night I am reminded still not of joy, but promise.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>A future promise which if this is to be
survived will be all the more fitting a prize.<o:p></o:p></span></i></div>
<br />
<div align="center" class="MsoPlainText" style="margin: 0cm 0cm 0pt; text-align: center;">
<b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;"><i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;"><span style="font-family: "Arial","sans-serif";">(Written on reading Psalm 118, Message
Bible)</span></i></b><i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;"><span style="font-family: "Arial","sans-serif";"><o:p></o:p></span></i></div>infertility expohttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15102047560198805608noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4456295539675952210.post-43141370739869968512012-05-21T23:52:00.001+01:002012-05-21T23:52:45.366+01:00Struggling to move on after our miscarriage<span style="font-family: Georgia, "Times New Roman", serif;">Two years ago we were blessed to have naturally conceived. Sadly after 7 weeks we lost this precious life.</span><br />
<br />
<span style="font-family: Georgia, "Times New Roman", serif;">At six weeks 6 days we had a scan as my DW had some early spotting which gave the Doctors some concern. </span><br />
<br />
<span style="font-family: Georgia, "Times New Roman", serif;">During the scan we heard the heart beat and saw the tiny pixelated flicker of our baby's heart. </span><br />
<br />
<span style="font-family: Georgia, "Times New Roman", serif;">The next day it was gone and our hearts were broken.</span><br />
<br />
<span style="font-family: Georgia, "Times New Roman", serif;">Two years on his poem recalls this event, my feelings of guilt and sadness that I had to move on...</span><br />
<br />
<div class="MsoPlainText" style="margin: 0cm 0cm 0pt; text-align: center;">
<b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;"><span style="font-family: Georgia, "Times New Roman", serif;"><em>Day<o:p></o:p></em></span></b></div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<span style="font-family: Georgia, "Times New Roman", serif;"><em>
</em></span></div>
<div class="MsoPlainText" style="margin: 0cm 0cm 0pt; text-align: center;">
<span style="font-family: Georgia, "Times New Roman", serif;"><em>My heart stopped as yours first struggled to be made
known. Proud and crisp I heard it beat, each rhythm stolen from mine, but I
think you took more than you knew or ever meant.<o:p></o:p></em></span></div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<span style="font-family: Georgia, "Times New Roman", serif;"><em>
</em></span></div>
<div class="MsoPlainText" style="margin: 0cm 0cm 0pt; text-align: center;">
<span style="font-family: Georgia, "Times New Roman", serif;"><em>You drew no breath but somehow gave life to my gasping
dreams, but I think you promised too much, more than your little soul could
bear.<o:p></o:p></em></span></div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<span style="font-family: Georgia, "Times New Roman", serif;"><em>
</em></span></div>
<div class="MsoPlainText" style="margin: 0cm 0cm 0pt; text-align: center;">
<span style="font-family: Georgia, "Times New Roman", serif;"><em>You stole my heart and revealed the depth of night, but
Daddy cannot reach you, pristine and beautiful, perfect and complete. Without a
breath of your own. <o:p></o:p></em></span></div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<span style="font-family: Georgia, "Times New Roman", serif;"><em>
</em></span></div>
<div class="MsoPlainText" style="margin: 0cm 0cm 0pt; text-align: center;">
<span style="font-family: Georgia, "Times New Roman", serif;"><em>Forgive me little one, Daddy must find his path and
rediscover day.<o:p></o:p></em></span></div>infertility expohttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15102047560198805608noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4456295539675952210.post-7550093523049493332012-05-21T23:20:00.000+01:002012-05-21T23:36:29.549+01:00An introduction...<div class="MsoNoSpacing" style="margin: 0cm 0cm 0pt; text-align: justify;">
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">I am 34. We, my wife and I,
were married at 23 and 22 respectively and in spite of our diagnosis of
“unexplained infertility” (a particularly frustrating, slippery thing if you
ask me!)<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>have been trying to conceive
for about 10 years.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span><span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>In all this time we have had one miscarriage
but no other breakthrough to speak of.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><br /></span><br />
<div class="MsoNoSpacing" style="margin: 0cm 0cm 0pt; text-align: justify;">
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Infertility has a knack of
disenfranchising you, quietly, and, in my case, slowly pushing you to the edges
of your friendship groups, your interests and even the edge of yourself.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Personally speaking it has caused me both
shock and numbness in painful juxtapose.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>I suspect this has been compounded by my being a man and apparently
unable to verbalise my sadness and anger at our unexplained loss.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Being a man, and furthermore
the only one I know living through infertility, has left me rather isolated and
often up in to the small hours with just a pen and paper to keep me
company.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I don’t profess to be the next
poet laureate but what I write has helped me.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span><o:p></o:p></span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Writing for me has been the
vent I have needed and wanted, with no other intended audience but myself and
perhaps my other half providing her a way in to my “cave”.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Occasionally it has made me cry reading back my
words on the page but I have always felt relieved and lighter.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>The greater self-awareness writing has given
me means I feel better equipped to tackle another day slightly less burdened
than the day before.</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Which leads me to this Blog... there must be other guys out there going through infertility? Or wives/girlfriends/women intersted to know what your average Caveman thinks and feels about infertility? Well if this is you read on and enjoy. If this is not you read on, open minded and open hearted, the road "we" (people living through infertility) travel is a road less travelled and poorly understood.</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">It won't all be negative (promise!), to my surprise I have in fact found many gems along the way. Least of all the inner strength and beauty of my amazing wife. We are fortunate infertility has brought us together and not driven us apart.</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">So why "infertilityexposed"? In my case infertility has been hidden, endured silently and often alone. It is often brutal and often an unsolvable problem. It gets at you from the inside out. This blog puts out there the thoughts and feelings I have sadly not had chance to share with friends. This is infertilityexposed.</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><br /></span></div>infertility expohttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15102047560198805608noreply@blogger.com0